So work like you don’t need the money,
Love like you have never been hurt,
and dance like no one’s watching.
-- By Father Alfred D’Souza
La Vie De La Rose Noir
It was then that the fox appeared.
"Good morning," said the fox.
"Good morning," the little prince responded politely, although when he turned around he saw nothing.
"I am right here," the voice said, "under the apple tree."
"Who are you?" asked the little prince, and added, "You are very pretty to look at."
"I am a fox," the fox said.
"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince. "I am so unhappy."
"I cannot play with you," the fox said. "I am not tamed."
"Ah! Please excuse me," said the little prince.
But, after some thought, he added:
"What does that mean--'tame'?"
"You do not live here," said the fox. "What is it that you are looking for?"
"I am looking for men," said the little prince. "What does that mean--'tame'?"
"Men," said the fox. "They have guns, and they hunt. It is very disturbing. They also raise chickens. These are their only interests. Are you looking for chickens?"
"No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends. What does that mean--'tame'?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."
"'To establish ties'?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . ."
"I am beginning to understand," said the little prince. "There is a flower . . . I think that she has tamed me . . ."
"It is possible," said the fox. "On the Earth one sees all sorts of things."
"Oh, but this is not on the Earth!" said the little prince.
The fox seemed perplexed, and very curious.
"On another planet?"
"Yes."
"Are there hunters on that planet?"
"No."
"Ah, that is interesting! Are there chickens?"
"No."
"Nothing is perfect," sighed the fox.
But he came back to his idea.
"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . ."
The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.
"Please--tame me!" he said.
"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."
"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . ."
"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.
"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . ."
The next day the little prince came back.
"It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . ."
"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.
"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all."
So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--
"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."
"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . ."
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"Then it has done you no good at all!"
"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added:
"Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."
The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.
"You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world."
And the roses were very much embarassed.
"You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you--the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.
And he went back to meet the fox.
"Goodbye," he said.
"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."
"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.
"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . ."
"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
漸漸的克服了對小刀醫師的恐懼之後,我越來越期待早晨的巡房時間. 因為如果有問題要問主治大夫,只能抓緊每天他出現的短短一分鐘趕快講出來, 否則他看看傷口離開,就又得等下一天才能問了. 所以為了那短短的一分鐘,我每天睡前都會沙盤演練一番,先想想要問的問題,然後再想想應該怎麼問比較好. 最好是問Yes/No question, 不要問open question, 比較快又有明確答案. 然後早上起床後再複習一下昨天計畫好的問題和順序,等大夫推門進來的那一剎那就開始問,才有機會在他離開前把問題都問完.
於是繼昨天問了可不可以下床走和能不能按摩腳趾頭這樣的小問題後,今天的重點就是昨天的白膿. 我提醒護士在他出現前趕快跟我通風報信,才能在他開門時就大聲的打招呼.
"大夫早!!" 我睜大眼睛看著他, 但他沒有甚麼表情,仍舊一身黑衣,他永遠都只穿黑色的,加上怒目的神情,一整個很像黑道.
"我今天又有問題!" 我一副精神十足的樣子.不管怎樣氣勢要先拿出來.
"好,你問!" 他唰的一聲剝開膠帶和紗布.可是我已經不怕了.
"我昨天換藥時看到傷口上有白膿,那是正常的嗎?" 聽到我說這話,他特別多看了一眼傷口.
"是正常的,因為你之前的肉都爛了,要長新肉一定會有膿的,有膿才表示傷口漸漸復原"
"那大夫,我每天拉肚子也是正常嗎?是吃抗生素的關係嗎?" "對,是正常反應" 他蓋上傷口,轉身打算離開
"還有!"我聲音很大,他頓了一下. "我一定要出院時才能開醫生證明嗎?" 之前我問護士還有阿長,大家都說出院才能開,可是我請假想先拿到.
本來已經走到門邊的他這時回頭,突然很和氣的跟我說, "不用啊~你現在就要嗎? 我現在就開給你" 說完他就走了出去. 跟在他身後的幾位護士,全部都非常吃驚的望著我,然後又低頭趕緊跟著走了出去.
接著我就聽到他在門外交待護士趕緊準備我的醫生證明,還讓他們進來問我的英文名字以便開英文版的證明. 不到一小時,兩份中英文的證明就已經漂亮的交到我手上了. 當然,這麼有效率我相信絕大部分都是看媽媽的面子,可是小刀對我越來越友善也是不爭的事實. 哈!我開始喜歡起這個冷面小刀了!
不僅僅這天對查房這件事有了很大的突破,我也首度的在換藥時終於沒哭了.可能是痛得習慣了,又可能真的傷口在復原沒那麼痛了,總之,這天之後,我再也沒有為了恐怖的換藥過程掉過一滴眼淚,也算是一大成就啦!
不過說到打點滴這件事,其實是讓我很頭痛的. 因為蜂窩性組織炎需要24小時打抗生素,連續注射七天才有效,中間不能間斷,否則可能會產生抗藥性. 所以基本上我的手上得隨時掛著點滴. 可偏偏我的皮膚很薄,血管非常敏感,即使是埋軟針,我都還是會痛得不得了.尤其實前面三天打在手背上,只要輕輕一動我就非常不舒服,整個手背連手指也都腫起來. 所以直到這天我要換位置打時,就特別要求護士幫我打在手腕上方的手臂上. 當護士把針拆下後,我看著發青的手背,覺得真是太舒服啦! 沒想到我血管的敏感讓我即使打在手臂上仍然在不到兩天後又痛到紅腫發炎,腫到點滴都打不進去,還緊急找護士來幫我換了第三個地方.
這天最有趣的插曲就是洗頭了. 由於傷口不能碰水,在醫院不方便外出的情況下,我只得拜託剛從美國回來度假的貴婦好友 Jennifer 帶著大包小包的東西過來幫我洗頭. 沒想到一整個下午訪客不斷,頭髮才剛洗好,又有朋友到訪, Jennifer只好又拿起吹風機幫我吹乾. 然後接著又有朋友,搞到她無聊得跑去逛東區,直到天都黑了才又回來幫我做臉. 哇!真是一整個貴婦的頂級住院之旅啊!!
不過我也貢獻給Jennifer一個頂級的私人換藥秀. 當她看到助理醫生突然拿起沾藥的棉枝,伸進傷口的洞裡清潔時,心理毫無準備的她居然發出了又長又淒厲的恐怖尖叫~~~~啊~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!
把換藥醫生嚇了好大的一跳,也讓她開始一直笑個不停. 這時,在這層樓的所有人,都被這叫聲給引了過來,隔壁房的病人從床上跳下來一探究竟,護士也緊張的跑了過來,家屬和很多的訪客也都嚇得在門外不停的張望. 沒想到,護士才踏進病房, Jennifer 居然指著我說 "Mandy你幹嗎叫那麼大聲? 我知道很痛但你要忍一下啊~~!!"
我一整個愣住,接著就笑翻了. 我邊忍住笑岔的氣,邊無辜的告訴護士,真的不是我叫的,而助理醫生則是笑得更大聲了. 我抓住Jennifer,說 "你別再逗她笑了,她越笑手越抖,在我的傷口清潔抖抖抖真的會很痛耶!!" 就這樣,今天晚間的換藥就在尖叫和狂笑中落幕,而我,也完全忘記了那份恐怖的痛苦了!
今天的重頭戲是換藥.
經過昨天一整天的震撼教育,我除了親身體驗了小刀醫師的快手(劊手?!)外,更經由眾人口中得知了小刀的脾氣以及個性.尤其當我聽說小刀換藥的狠勁,真讓我對於這件事嚇得無所適從,緊張不已. 好在,前一晚外科助理跑來告訴我,住院期間會由細手細腳的助理們換藥,所以她們會極盡溫柔之能事,盡可能減低我的疼痛程度,因此叫我不需害怕.
稍稍安心的睡了一晚之後,小刀在清晨七點多旋風式的查房. 那時我正躺在床上想著,護士怎麼還不送止痛藥來啊?我腳好痛喔~ 冷不防他就出現了. 小刀一走進來,我就嚇得全醒了過來,後面緊緊跟著的是值夜班的護士. 他伸手掀開棉被,一手唰的扒開包紮的透氣膠帶和紗布,快速的看了一眼,說 "你看~消腫了!是不是 比昨天小了,你看!" 然後很得意的把紗布蓋上,在傷口上乾脆的拍了一下,就又捲旋風般似的走了出去.
在他跨出門的那剎那,我立刻嗚哇一聲的哭了出來!媽呀~好痛喔!!他真的是非常粗暴耶~我的腳上還殘留著撕開時的劇痛,又全無準備的被突如其來的情境給嚇了一跳,我忍著不敢出聲是因為前一天護士警告我,小刀最討厭病人哭哭啼啼,而現在我終於可以用力的哭了. 扎扎實實的,我躺在床上摀著臉,痛快的大哭了二十分鐘. 等到疼痛逐漸散去,我才漸漸的恢復. 這時媽媽走過來,丟給我一條毛巾,說 "把臉擦擦,哭也好,反正我又不能幫你痛,你就自己哭吧!" 嘩~不愧是在醫院出生入死三十餘載的人,沒血沒淚啊~!
兩個小時後,我正在電話上,外科助理就推著滿滿一車的藥品出現在我房間. 這時我已經吃完止痛藥,心理也做了一些建設,但還是相當的害怕. 只見助理溫溫柔柔的,在我的腳下墊上塑膠袋和手術巾,然後輕輕的拿開紗布和膠帶,仔細的倒了些食鹽水,才把黏在傷口上的紗布取下.跟早上的小刀相比,這樣的手法幾乎沒有痛楚,我開始覺得感恩. 電話另一頭的友人本要掛斷,卻被我阻止了. "你要繼續陪我聊天,幫我轉移注意力!" 還好友人也是醫生,所以很能明白狀況.
傷口處是一大片五六公分長寬的泛白粉色肉,可以清楚的看到肌理和血管. 昨天挖過的地方有一個深深的凹洞,凹洞裡則充滿了血水. 看起來真是慘不忍睹.
外科助理用酒精棉球仔細的清理了傷口,我咬牙忍住卻還是叫了出來,卻仍然假意的講電話,頗有關雲長刮骨療傷的味道,電話那頭卻比我還緊張. "你幹嗎不講話?" 我問 "ㄟ...因為我在等你尖叫~" 哎喲真是的~~ 不過我很快的就如了他的意,因為這時助理用棉花棒沾了碘酒開始清潔凹洞的部分,那畫面真殘忍,感覺真恐怖,痛楚真清楚. 我一邊叫一邊看,還一邊命令朋友講話,可是我簡直痛到快昏迷了. 雖然我不得不承認助理的手法已經很輕柔,可是當他在凹洞裡轉動棉花棒時,害怕的感覺還是加重了痛苦的程度. 接著,他用紗布沾滿了碘酒再擠乾,然後揉開紗布,再慢慢的往....OMG! 凹洞裡面塞!! 我的天哪! 那個影像實在太難讓人承受了!我眼淚開始隨著紗布的移動滾出了眼眶,然後啪搭搭的完全停不下來. 助理要我再忍耐一下,因為紗布要仔細的塞進去才能吸膿血,所以是必經的過程. 最後,他俐落的蓋上紗布,貼上透氣膠帶後才細聲的安慰我一番然後離去.
我等待著痛苦繼續延續,但說也奇怪,助理離去後不到三分鐘,我已經沒有太強烈的疼痛感了,這才讓我安心下來. 接下來的一整天,我都在緊張著晚上第二次的換藥來臨. 當天色黑了,只要有人敲門走進來,我都會以為是助理又來換藥了.
好在助理沒出現,好朋友們倒是來了.大家帶著大包小包的食物,在小小的空間裡開起了小吃 party. 從南港的胡椒餅,烤香腸,蚵仔麵線,鹹水雞到水果茶,美景炸醬面酸辣麵.紅油抄手還有紫菱花素蒸餃,都是醫院附近的著名小吃,滿滿的擺了一屋子,熱鬧的歡笑聲持續了一整晚. 在我不停的描述下,大家都對換藥過程充滿了期待,紛紛留下來等著那台手推車的出現,準備一探究竟. 而當助理醫生果然推著藥品車出現時,房內居然響起了如雷的喝采,大家卡位的卡位,拿相機的拿相機,把助理醫生嚇了一大跳,還說,需要這麼多人在場嗎?
可誰也不想離開,都不願錯過這精采的畫面. 所以雖然我待宰般的躺在床上,兩手一邊一個抓住不同親友的手,可是看到現場大家緊張的表情,我的恐懼竟也就削減了一大半了. 這次的痛楚並沒有亞於早上,可是攝影機在拍,大家在看,我也就極力的忍住沒有叫出來. 隨著大家看得越來越起勁,助理醫生也不吝於分享一些經驗. "你要觀察傷口, 新鮮的肉應該是漂亮的粉紅色"她指指凹洞周圍的淡粉色肉 "你看你如果血液循環不好,肉色就會像這樣白白的, 如果肉變成粉紅色,周圍的瘀青也慢慢消失,那就是很好的徵兆" 她邊說,圍觀的群眾紛紛激賞的點頭,邊對著我的傷口拍照. 我覺得這個畫面好像似曾相識.
包紮完成之後,助理醫生又推著車子出去,而眾親友們也開始紛紛告辭,轉眼間房內就只剩下我一人. 我細細的想了想,原來剛剛似曾相識的畫面我曾在海洋公園裡看過,那時表演的, 是動物餵食秀.本日探病謝卡:
媽媽同事的愛心鱸魚湯
Steven 的換藥時間大連線
David越洋的電話關心
YC和不吝把我這當透氣小站的義氣
Kevin 以為我沒腿了的緊張 & Dr. Anthony 的follow up
小De和南港胡椒餅
國珍x 2 和無數東區小吃
青逸學姊和夜市小吃還有無數的歡聲笑語