I deactivated myself from facebook

Facebook有個很厲害的功能,就是隨時都可以un-friend某個在朋友清單上的人,對方不會接到通知,只是自此之後就再也看不到你的動態和消息. 感覺上很殘忍,可是也很實用,清楚的表明我不想跟你聯絡,別再打擾我了 (說這功能厲害是因為它如此的一刀兩段,沒有現實生活中那種不乾不淨的關係).

除非兩人不熟,否則因為某些原因而被un-friend的人,知道的瞬間一定是又羞又急,然後很快的情緒會變成又氣又難過. "憑什麼是你un-friend我,不是我un-friend 你?!" 所以這個功能雖然強大,可是也很極端,因為一翻兩瞪眼,facebook un-friend了,是不是現實生活也永不連絡? 也因此這樣,常常大家會"不好意思"按下那個un-friend的鈕,即使兩人現實生活已經不相往來,還是可以彼此在fb上面看到對方的動態,窺探彼此的一舉一動.

偏偏fb是這樣一個讓人容易上癮的東西,現在不僅僅是網路版,還有手機版,甚至訊息推送功能,讓你時時刻刻都像著了魔一樣的一天check 20遍,看看大家的動態,照片和心情. 恐怖的是,當自己發了瘋的對某個人著迷的時候,會不停不停的想要窺探那個人的一切動態: A君在半夜幾點幾分還在fb上, 他又回應了哪個朋友的動態,他分享了什麼歌曲(代表他現在的什麼心情?), 他對誰誰誰的評語按了個讚,他似乎在跟誰搞曖昧,他的照片透露了他最近怎樣的交友狀態? 他最近都沒有Update近況,究竟是不是刻意消失? 這一切的一切都那麼的addictive,好像怎麼也看不累似的. fb讓人很容易就變成了一個stalker,而且無跡可尋,對方完全不會知道自己被這樣的秘密窺探著.

然後正常的生活變得不再正常,原本面對面的溝通管道變得不再重要,整個酒吧裡的人喝著酒各自在fb上面繼續窺探其他的朋友,回應各種動態,然後自己也似有若無的透露一些又真又假的情緒,不敢講太多,卻又忍不住不講,然後越來越混亂,搞得自己更加神經質的面對每一天的人生.

所以如果自己躲起來,自以為是在rehab,可是又無時不刻的在facebook上update自己,查看他人,從隻字片語裡猜想推敲,那就永遠都走不出來,永遠沒有給自己機會徹底的覺悟的機會. 而un-friend任何人,其實都只是想把責任推在別人身上的方法而已. 只有deactivate自己,不再把自己暴露在這難以自拔的環境中,才是真正戒掉情感的最好辦法.

我以為自己很不喜歡告訴別人我的隱私,可是facebook卻讓我透露了最多的自己. 多麼慘忍,我這樣把自己攤在最不自在的環境裡而不自知,反而還一天天沉淪陷落下去,以為這樣就能得到眾人的關心和同情,結果反而是對自己最大的傷害. 我對自己感到羞怯和抱歉, 而最好彌補自己的方式,就是暫時的退出這個地方,直到自己能夠勇敢的面對自己的情緒為止.

所以相信我 我沒有un-friend你們,我只是deactivate了我自己而已. Hope this way I can deactivate my emotions too...

獅子與牛羚

在肯亞的時候,幸運的看到牛羚過河的精彩畫面.數千隻的牛羚奮不顧身的投入馬拉河中,為的是對岸肥美的鮮草,和一種與同族類一起感受群體融合的喜悅.

整個過程中最有趣的部分是等待牛羚縱身一躍過河的期間. 數十輛的game drive 4WD 並排沿著河邊停放,所有的人都在車上靜靜的屏息以待,深怕一個大動作,就會把上萬隻徘徊躊躇的牛羚嚇跑. 牛羚群過河前,會尋找一個適當的下水點,然後集結在一起,靜靜的觀察地勢,觀察周遭環境,觀察水裡的動靜,是否有鱷魚或禿鶩在旁虎視眈眈.然後觀察同伴的狀態, 靜待誰縱身一躍的時候可以立刻跟進.可是牛羚群們總那麼的躊躇不前,牠們可以在河邊等待數個小時,甚或數個清晨,直到有同伴不顧一切的跳下為止. 一隻牛羚前進, 所有的牛羚躁動前推; 一隻牛羚受驚後退,成千上萬的牛羚立刻蹭著步伐離開岸邊. 牠們不厭其煩的在馬拉河邊,時而前進,時而後退,不斷的變換打算下水的位置,這樣反反覆覆的動作重複數十次後,終於有一隻牛羚不知是不耐這種躁動的情緒,還是不小心被後面的同伴推下水,總之,當第一隻牛羚落下水面的剎那,成千的牛羚就依序的跳入水面,然後非常有規律的循著前者的路順勢游上岸. 一隻一隻,成千成百,大家一步一步的爬上對岸,甩乾水分,然後望著隔岸尚未入水的牛羚,殷切等待.

到肯亞看大遷徙,最大的重點就是在等待牛羚過河,很多人說這是一種運氣,必須在對的時間對的季節,才能有幸看到這樣的奇景. 而人們最驚喜的,就是可以拍攝到牛羚奮不顧身縱身一躍的那個時刻. 牛羚的腿非常細,而河岸非常的陡峭,許多牛羚在跳河的剎那,抑或是折斷了腿,又或是摔傷了身體,恐怕河裡有鱷魚張口一咬,所以這樣的過河歷程充滿了危險,而那破釜沉舟只為對岸肥美水草的不顧一切,的確是這樣情景的最大賣點.

我笑說,牛羚追逐水草就像年輕的男孩追逐女孩,那樣的渴求卻又那樣的畏怯. 他們時而前進,時而後退,時而躊躇不前,時而衝動躁進. 該下水不該下水,年輕的男孩充滿了猶豫,但一旦跳下了水,就那樣的不顧一切.

而獅子,這草原上的主事者啊!~是那麼的不一樣. 牠們從不輕易出手,但一旦下手就勢在必得. 像成熟的男人, 他們不輕易躁動,總是慵懶的躺在草原上無視一切,可是當牠們鎖定了目標,就無所謂的躊躇不前. 當他們撲向獵物之時,毫無招架之力的獸類們,只能無助的睜著眼, 被侵襲吞嗜,然後屍骨殘存的暴露在荒野上,靜待禿鷹吞襲殘餘的肉體,血肉模糊難以辨別.

泳渡成功之~我漂過了日月潭

早在去年我就和好友國珍約定,今年一定要一起來泳渡日月潭. 我這個泳技超爛、體力又差的傢伙,之所以會答應來挑戰,完全是出於牡羊座的義氣和"憨膽"來的. 話說去年國珍已經和朋友報名了這個活動,可是因為前兩天被我拖去參加一個 wine tasting event,甜白酒喝一個太多宿醉兩天而錯過了泳渡,讓我覺得自己當然得義不容辭的和她一起參加今年的活動.

報了名之後,我們覺得應該要稍微練習一下,畢竟3.3KM可不是開玩笑的.日月潭又不是游泳池,游累了可以站起來休息,所以就很努力的去游泳池"試游"了兩次. 噗~ 第一次我只游了300公尺,第二次稍為進步一點,1000公尺. 兩次都距離3300公尺非常非常的遙遠哪~ 於是我整個人驚慌不已,覺得自己應該會在潭中溺死,但為了朋友,還是拼了吧!(國珍一直安慰我有魚雷浮標,別擔心!)

Little Prince's hairs and the tamed fox

小王子的故事裡,最讓我喜歡的一段就是他與狐狸的故事. 也因為喜歡小王子,我的網誌分類 label 就是用小王子的故事來表達各種不同的心境. 在東非肯亞safari時, 車子駛過一片片金黃色的草原,我不禁想起了小王子的金色頭髮,還有那被馴服的狐狸和牠看見金黃麥田時對小王子的思念.

Here is the story:

It was then that the fox appeared.

"Good morning," said the fox.

"Good morning," the little prince responded politely, although when he turned around he saw nothing.

"I am right here," the voice said, "under the apple tree."

"Who are you?" asked the little prince, and added, "You are very pretty to look at."

"I am a fox," the fox said.

"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince. "I am so unhappy."

"I cannot play with you," the fox said. "I am not tamed."

"Ah! Please excuse me," said the little prince.

But, after some thought, he added:

"What does that mean--'tame'?"

"You do not live here," said the fox. "What is it that you are looking for?"

"I am looking for men," said the little prince. "What does that mean--'tame'?"

"Men," said the fox. "They have guns, and they hunt. It is very disturbing. They also raise chickens. These are their only interests. Are you looking for chickens?"

"No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends. What does that mean--'tame'?"

"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."

"'To establish ties'?"

"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . ."

"I am beginning to understand," said the little prince. "There is a flower . . . I think that she has tamed me . . ."

"It is possible," said the fox. "On the Earth one sees all sorts of things."

"Oh, but this is not on the Earth!" said the little prince.

The fox seemed perplexed, and very curious.

"On another planet?"

"Yes."

"Are there hunters on that planet?"

"No."

"Ah, that is interesting! Are there chickens?"

"No."

"Nothing is perfect," sighed the fox.

But he came back to his idea.

"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . ."

The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.

"Please--tame me!" he said.

"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."

"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . ."

"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.

"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . ."

The next day the little prince came back.

"It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . ."

"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.

"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all."

So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--

"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."

"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . ."

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"Then it has done you no good at all!"

"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added:

"Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."

The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.

"You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world."

And the roses were very much embarassed.

"You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you--the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.

And he went back to meet the fox.

"Goodbye," he said.

"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . ."

"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

My timber, I am drowning

You dragged me to drown with you,

promised to be my timber.

And suddenly you decided to pull out,

letting me sink alone into the bottomless.

The water surface remains quiet,

like that I've never existed.